6 THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE
Love a word that comes and goes but few people really know what it means to really love somebodyyy- if you sang this as you read just know I write for you. This is a topic I honestly stray from talking about because 1. Personal 2. I hate being vulnerable and 3. I hate being vulnerable. With that being said as I get deeper into my journey and begin to discover and experience many different forms of love I’m beginning to learn so much about myself and how I love and want to be loved. Now entering into the tail end of my 20’s here are six things I learned about love so far.
People Do Not Love the Same As You and That's OKAY
This is something I’ve learned a while ago in terms of friendships and familial relationships. Everyone's idea of love is different and we all show it in different ways, a lot of this has to do with how we were raised. Exploring love languages allowed me to stop taking things personally when people fall short when showing me love and when I miss the mark when showing others. Some of us need attention, some need time, some need to be hugged and showered with gifts. Love is not a one size fits all. As lovers, it's important that we find our loved one’s language and display that to the best of our abilities
2. It's Scary
Being in a romantic relationship is interesting; learning the ends and outs the good and the bad of a person and still being in love is bold. The first time I told someone I loved them I took it back, I realized I truly had no idea what it meant to love someone outside of my family and close friends and me being a truth-teller, I really would hate to be saying this just because he said it first. I then took a few days to think about it, like seriously deep-thought and acknowledged my feelings toward that person and realized I truly did love him. I remember telling him I took it back because I was scared, it was uncomfortable to be in a position where I had to be vulnerable and admit to having emotions ehhh. Now I can say haven been in love, although scary it is beautiful.
3. Love Heals
I truly believe love is a healer. Spiritually the love of God has brought me through some pretty tough times. The love of my friends who I know I can lean on and depend on is the reason behind my fearlessness and never feeling alone. I think we often take love for granted and how powerful it can be, for us who have grown up surrounded by love it's hard for us to relate to those who experienced the opposite. It's important to show love in every aspect of life-even with our grocery baggers, you never know when your loving-kindness is received by a person who isn't used to it, it can save them.
4. Sometimes You Hurt The Ones You Love
Loving and being love does not exempt you from pain, we hurt the ones we love the most and vice versa. We are all humans going through life experiencing a plethora of emotions that sometimes we take out on those close to us; that doesn't mean we don't love one another. We need to offer each other grace in love acknowledging each other’s strengths and weaknesses and deciding to still love one another now that is poetic. These days I am learning to be graceful with those around me when our worst tendencies begin to tear us apart. At the end of the day I love my family and friends and the love is the same on their side so instead of cutting those loved ones off for an offense, I practice forgiveness. I’m learning that we will be let down more times than not and a corrective approach is better than neglecting love.
5. Love Can Exist Without loyalty
This took me some time to comprehend, love is truly complex. We can explore it deeply and still display it in a way that is misconstrued and toxic knowingly and unknowingly. I used to think those who aren't loyal to me couldn't possibly love me, that if they loved me they would be here no matter what-that our relationship would be strong and they wouldn't talk about me behind my back. Unfortunately, that isn't true it speaks to the complexities of love and the human existence love can be mastered before loyalty. I’ve learned to focus on love and celebrate those who are loyal. (PSA this doesn't apply to romantic relationships sis. In romantic relationships loyalty is a MUST!)
6. It's a Beautiful Process
Love is exciting! I’m at the stage in my life where I enjoy giving it instead of receiving, I love paying attention to what my loved ones need and what they need from me. Properly loving someone takes perceptiveness. It's important to read what it is that the next person needs to feel a sense of admiration. Love transcends it never stops, how we love tomorrow will be different from today. We grow, experience things and in turn need different or display different and to me that is beautiful. At the moment my love language is time, when I was younger it was words of affirmation but because I am now a woman who is confident in knowing without being told words no longer speak to me, but spending time and creating memories makes my soul smile. Be gentle in all forms of love, take a look at relationships you may be neglecting and assess whether it be our parents and best friends. See where you can extend some extra TLC to those near and dear.